1.20.2009
1.15.2009
Flying solo
This past summer, I did the unthinkable - or at least what I previously believed to be unthinkable. I lived with five other girls. In a three bed apartment. And shared one room among three people.
I think I was inwardly cranky about the whole idea at first, but it quickly grew on me. It was comforting to be surrounded by lots of people, even if it meant sinkfuls of dishes on occasion or empty bags of potato chips laying out on the coffee table for weeks.
Now that I live by myself, I have to learn to live with myself. With.
It's a funny thing to spend time with yourself, by yourself, for an extended period of time. Past the point where it's fun or relaxing. It's a solemn place to be.
I crashed on my futon after work today while some sitcom droned on in the background. When I woke up, it was about an hour or so until it would be my normal bedtime. I didn't get up and just laid there, thinking a little.
Contrary to popular belief, I don't think all that much. Reflecting on myself, my character, behavior, habits, goals, isn't always an easy or pleasant task to endure. It takes, for me, a mighty level of brainpower to reflect on things in a productive, meaningful, fruitful fashion - in a way that elicits change. For me, the the purpose of reflection is change.
Looking back, I see it was a lot easier not to be as reflective while constantly being surrounded by people. Some people can swing it - I'm the type that actually needs physical space and seclusion. I like being surrounded by friends, and I want to go back to that kind of environment. But if my current living situation is any indication, I think there's something I am needing to gain from being alone. What is it? I don't know exactly. Maybe more thinking, changing, and thinking, changing. I feel a shift in the winds. It's a new season.
I think I was inwardly cranky about the whole idea at first, but it quickly grew on me. It was comforting to be surrounded by lots of people, even if it meant sinkfuls of dishes on occasion or empty bags of potato chips laying out on the coffee table for weeks.
Now that I live by myself, I have to learn to live with myself. With.
It's a funny thing to spend time with yourself, by yourself, for an extended period of time. Past the point where it's fun or relaxing. It's a solemn place to be.
I crashed on my futon after work today while some sitcom droned on in the background. When I woke up, it was about an hour or so until it would be my normal bedtime. I didn't get up and just laid there, thinking a little.
Contrary to popular belief, I don't think all that much. Reflecting on myself, my character, behavior, habits, goals, isn't always an easy or pleasant task to endure. It takes, for me, a mighty level of brainpower to reflect on things in a productive, meaningful, fruitful fashion - in a way that elicits change. For me, the the purpose of reflection is change.
Looking back, I see it was a lot easier not to be as reflective while constantly being surrounded by people. Some people can swing it - I'm the type that actually needs physical space and seclusion. I like being surrounded by friends, and I want to go back to that kind of environment. But if my current living situation is any indication, I think there's something I am needing to gain from being alone. What is it? I don't know exactly. Maybe more thinking, changing, and thinking, changing. I feel a shift in the winds. It's a new season.
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